Most baby boomers approach impending old age with noisy dread so maybe it’s not that surprising their children appear to be shuffling rather than marching toward independent adulthood.

The current trend to return to the nest in your twenties and thirties is an international phenomenon—according to the US Census 25 per cent of people between the ages of 18 to 34 live at home with their parents, a statistic that resonates equally in Canada, the UK and Australia.

Unlike baby boomers who ran screaming from their parents’ homes when they were 18, the boomerang generation disparagingly dubbed “adultescents,” frequently postpones the traditional markers of maturity—leaving home, marriage, parenthood and mortgage until they’re at least 30.

Contemporary parenting and its techniques, frequently anxious and earnest, and governed by a sort of generalized overzealousness, sometimes only confuses overwhelmed parents already struggling with an abundance of challenges.

For Chicago-based mother of two teenage boys, writer Melanie Lynne Hauser,(www.melanielynnehauser.com) author of the funny and thoughtful Confessions of Super Mom, “a superhero for the Swiffer generation,” (available at Amazon.com), deciding when to push and when to pull is just one more aspect of raising kids that doesn’t conform to easy answers.

"As Super Moms and Super Dads, we like to think we’re raising Super Kids. And maybe we think that they’ll be ready to make it on their own as soon as they hit college and go out in the real world—so we may say we’re eager to kick them out of the nest, sure that they can fly (after all, we provided them with capes and taught them ourselves!). But I think in our hearts, we understand that it’s a terribly unstable world out there –more so than when we were young—and so we keep that bed ready, hold off on our plans to turn that room into a Fortress of Solitude for ourselves. The hard part, I think, is understanding the difference between a hand up, and a hand out. I hope I can tell the difference, when it’s my turn to let my Super Kids fly."

The boomerang generation is variously characterized as lazy, immature, spoiled and fiscally irresponsible, held to task by a largely unforgiving and arguably uninformed public opinion.

Is it a reasonable portrait or caricature? Are boomerangers to be pitied or censured?

According to New York City-based lecturer and consultant Elina Furman, (www.boomerangnation.com) author of several books including, Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents the Second Time Around, (available at Amazon.com) the moocher label is mostly unfair and inaccurate.

“I think there are many factors today that are driving people’s return to the nest. There’s the return to historic immigration levels, increasing health care costs, the continued segmentation between the haves and have nots, rising costs of education, and predatory lending by credit card companies just to name a few. Also, there are many emotional reasons why people move back home, including the breakup of a relationship or marriage and also as relief from some of the stresses of everyday life. But mostly, it’s financial problems and credit card debt that push people to make the move home. There’s no right or wrong reason to move back home. The only wrong reason would be if someone moved home to avoid taking responsibility for their life or because they didn’t want to work anymore. Obviously, we all have to work to support ourselves.”

It’s worth noting that College costs have doubled in the last 20 years and the average graduate is carrying a $20,000 debt—post-graduate work can send that amount soaring to $100,000.

Many students are forced to pay their tuitions using credit cards, with no hope of resolving the debt. Good jobs are scarce and housing and health insurance costs are prohibitive—in some cases, moving back home is an economic necessity.

What’s seen as an intrusion by some reluctant parents, however, or viewed as a personal failure by their embarrassed children, may simply be a contemporary example of a long-standing tradition—families helping one another, one generation to the next, without doing a cost analysis, suggests Furman.

“That’s partly why I wrote the book because I was so annoyed with the idea that everyone who lives at home is unsuccessful or a loser. It’s amazing to me how many people go around saying they’re independent because they live on their own, while all the while taking handouts from their parents and even letting their parents buy their apartments for them. That’s rampant in NYC. And then these people and many others turn around and say that boomerangers are all moochers and immature for living at home. It’s a bit of a double standard. Also, as a society we judge this group negatively and all the while espouse this ‘family values’ ideal that has nothing to do with reality.”

Take Five

Elina Furman offers valuable suggestions for co-habiting boomerangers and their parents:

1. Set a Move-Out Deadline: The sooner a deadline is established, the better. Then parents will have a timeframe for planning their retirement and boomerangers will have a better sense of when they’re leaving—which helps keep them motivated to pursue goals.
2. Don’t Let Them Baby You: Boomerangers, back home in childhood bedrooms, often regress. It’s important for parents to remember—they may be your kids, but they’re still adults. Some parents—Perma-Parents—nag or baby their kids too much. The key is to empower grown-up children so they feel like adults and will eventually move out on their own. Boomerangers shouldn’t let parents do everything for them such as clean rooms or do laundry
3. Master Money Management: Debt is the number one reason for returning home. Parents and boomerangers need to take time to master the basics of budgeting and sound money-management skills.
4. Establish Boundaries: Whether it’s dating, having friends over, coming home late, playing the stereo too loud, it’s important for parents and boomerangers to establish rules and boundaries early on.
5. Pay Rent: Some parents refuse to take money from their kids. But whether the boomeranger is paying $50 or $300, it’s important that they contribute. If parents still feel guilty, they can invest the money in a CD and give it to their kids as a gift once they’re ready to move out. The bonus for boomerangers? Paying a little bit of rent can buy extra freedom around the house.

“We tell our kids to move out when they turn 18 and only visit our families during holidays. How is that valuing family more? Isn’t moving home to be with your family a better indicator of how close you are? Many young people move home because they have extremely close relationship with their parents,” comments Furman.

“So for anyone to criticize them would not only be unfair, it would also be hypocritical, because many of the people who do move out to live on their own only do so because they can’t really get along with their families.”